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Verite_Liberates
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Location: United States
Interests: Beaucoup de choses. writing, music, typography, the making of film, air,getting deep in your head, looking through kaleidescopes, taking random photos, nuts,drumsticks & cowbells
Expertise: Stupidity, Procrastination
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message me
Member Since:
3/1/2005
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| I've ended my first year in college. Let me say, that it was a thrill, filled with adventure, laughs, pain, anguish, uncertainty and clarity. I feel like I've made the right choice in going to Oneonta. Although, the last time I had written was when I was with the love of my life, Peter and I have ended our 2 year relationship.
When I ended it with him, I remember thinking that it was merely a future that was to be on hold. I wanted to go our separate ways in order to experience life rather than clinging on to each other... It's funny that the start of our relationship was me saying "I just want to love and be loved." I'm happy that I got that chance in my lifetime to experience that with him.
I almost feel like my life is The Alchemist or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I'm just living until the day things seem right again. I was really surprised how in one year, I've made a drastic step into the world of self. This will always be a learning journey.
In this journey, I found the number 19 to be as significant as the number 9. Me and Jaye proposed that we were supposed to be born on the 19th of January, also I currently am staying in 19 Franklin St. June 19 was when I last saw Peter, I have 19 spots for a tattoo, and that's my age now... 19. Prior to actually seeing Peter again, I felt as if something was wrong in my life. My intuition led me to him and upon seeing him, I realized that although we live two separate lives, as we've always had, we're keeping our heads up. The next day, when he and his gf drove Jaye and Lucas back to my house in Oneonta, I ended my rebound relationship with Joe, a sweet Cancerian boy from the end of Long Island. It was difficult for me to explain something that I FELT but the idea is... I can't love anyone else.
So for the past week, I've been having many nostalgic moments as I'm trying to get my life together in an external harddrive, and up at school. I've revisted DeviantArt, my old YouTube account, MySpace, and this Xanga. One of the last posts Peter wrote was about me...
It's always fun to read the things we once wrote. Because in that moment you can see that you really meant it. And here we are now.
"Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before,
I know I'll often stop to think about them, in my life, I love you more. "
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So Friday the 16th was a night to remember: a wet, cold, windy, sober and long prom.
It wasn't all bad though. Of course, all the girls got to be looked at glamorously before we all part LaGuardia HS. Peter came along, and it was his first prom, since he didn't go to his. I got him to dance, which was cute, more embarrassing for him haha.
For weeks its been about the prom prep, now its over... I can now get passed my vanity and move on to more important things like saving up my money again, getting a driver's license, getting a Canon 5D, trying to not fail classes so I can graduate, and starting college!
I'm going to SUNY Oneonta, and I'm perfectly content that it's a school I like for the school even though it's not as prestigious or well known. A school by any other name would smell as sweet... werd.
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| Earlier in January, I really wanted to go to FIT. And when February came, I had the last chance to apply for them and the other SUNY colleges. I was so eager to write something well enough to get into FIT. By March, my focus was Marlboro College, and on completing the FIT application, I might have half-assed it.
Either way, Marlboro took me, and FIT waitlisted me today. That was the only school I applied to in NYC. And getting that letter today, shows maybe that I'm not supposed to be in the city at this point in my life. Of course I doubted that I'd get in, but in the back of my mind I didn't think they wouldnt take me. My whole college process started because of my vision of being in the city and going to FIT. Now, I have different plans.
In just the few weeks of college applications, my idea of the my future went round in circles.
It's down to it now. Elimination time. | | |
| I'm in between worlds now more than ever. I've always longed to be older, to travel, go to school away from home, and work away from home... all that is starting to happen for me. It's happening to all of my friends in school.
I'm not sure how to take it, because it worries me to long for something new, something bigger. It seems like time is slowing down just a little for me to hold on to these last remaining days as a high school student. No longer will I have to say I'm in high school in conversations at college parties. No longer will it seem awkward that Peter is dating a high school student. Yet, all that BS I had to go through, was what made me seem all the more respectable, mature, and intelligent.
Once I step on their turf, I'll be one of them, and I'll have to find an older target to gain respect from.
Clearly, this chapter is ending. | | |
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